i should be in the bus right now.. or standing @ the bus stop waiting for 117... but i woke up and just went on the pc.. and i dont want to goto algebra at all. i've skipped that class so many times. will have to study really hard for the exam. heres the schedule :
01st - 75108 Physics Lab Exam
11th - 69117 Algebra
13th - 95102 C Programming
18th - 69102 Calculus
19th - 18100 English
24th - 95106 Java Programming
26th - 75108 Physics
lots of breaks during exams. so thats good. first exam is of physics... last exam is of physics. almost a month left before the exams are finished and am free... well for a while. cuz have to take summer school. probably 69217 algebra and something else. and i also want to work.. make some $, upgrade pc among tons of other things. but as i've said earlier, we make so many plans... but rarely act on them.
going through my Inbox [Outlook Express] yesterday, i noticed an e-greeting card sitting there since the 15th of March. and i still hadn't viewed it. i'm slacking off soo much in emails.. one of my close friends got an email address in pakistan and he emailed me yesterday swearing and all that cuz i replied only once to his gazillion emails.sorry gypsy [if you're reading this] one more month... and then i'll be sleeeeepoing and emailing/icq-ing and playing quake. for a while only. i think the summer term starts in may something. there are two terms.. each only one month long. one course in one month. ieech. thats gonna be pretty horrible. right now, one course spans over 4 months.. and its still loads of work. i wonder what summer will be like.
i've noticed that i'm too arrogant sometimes. and also really mean. and the second i say something which was inappropriate.. my inner voice yells : "oh you idiot !!! now why did u say that !!". and i'm vulernable.. so so vulnerable. whenever something happens i end up envying seraph.. that moron doesnt care about anyone around him.. keep to yourself.. ignore the rest.. go home and take refuge into cyberspace. actually, once when i had an argument at home, i closed the door to my room [its always open.. i never close it.. unless am pissed at something or someone] so closed the room, and started playing Quake on full volume.. ho ho ho.. that was fun !!! channel all your anger to some bloke playing on the internet from god-knows-where and get up refreshed and with an empty-care-free mind.
i really have to start eating regularly. ever since january [when ramadhan finished] my eating habits have deteriorated steadily. like tuesday.. i woke up, drank two glasses of juice.. went to university, ate a TacoBell Chicken Burritto + coke, then Sprite, then came home, another glass of juice, then went to the movie with ÃƒÂ¯Ãƒâ€˜ÃƒÂÃƒÂµHÃƒÂ¥Ãƒâ€¡kÃƒâ€¹r and leo.. and ate tons of popcorn there. home and another pepsi and thats it for the day. now isnt that pathetic ? and right now.. woke up and havent had breakfast yet. thats why my mom hates to leave us alone at home.
back in saudia, two of my friends were really really close to their brothers. arslan, romi, and jojji.... always together. and then ammar and yasir.... and now here its dumpty and mythist. but its really awkward for me.. i mean.. every person is different right.. everyone has a different personality.. and u know that you can talk to person A about subject M but not talk to person B about M. and if A and B happen to be siblings... and also really close.. then naturally B will know about M. and thats what you wanted to avoid.. and believe me... if you want to keep a secret.. dont tell it to anyone. thats the bitter lesson i learned in highschool... a secret is no longer a secret if anyone else knows about it. cuz the way this world is now... very few ppl wud keep it to themselves. this is what happens... person C is your best friend.. someone you trust.. and so you tell C about subject N. and C also has another best friend, D. so C goes to D and theyre talking about whatever and then they stumble upon subject N. and C will say to D, guess what blahblah told me.. but you have to promise me that you wont tell anyone. and D promises. and C tells D because C trusts D and knows that D will not blab to anyone.. but D also has a best friend, person E. and so D tells it to E after extracting another so-called promise.. and before you know it, everyone knows everything there is to know about N. and somewhere along this chain.. ppl added whatever they wanted.. and if you just cannot keep it in yourself and just have to tell someone.. then go to some chat room and blab away. or to someone on icq.
actually highschool was a big learning experience for me. i had recently moved from saudia.. and to canada.. different people.. different moods.. different everything. and to switch to this kind of culture and surrounding was not easy... you try to find your place and do a lot of stupid things along the way. and thats what i did. i remember sitting in the computer labs in merivale with boboodi way back in 97 and boboodi saved the day by telling me something about subject O. shivers run down my spine when i think of what wouldve happened if i hadnt met him there at that time... ieech.
gonna go eat.. today is a long day in uni.. classes from 1030 - 800.
watching your plans being reduced to nothing in front of you is not fun
watching decisions being made in front of you is not fun if you oppose them
watching people console you by saying : "but ofcourse thats our last option. we will try our best to stay here" is not fun either
just say it
stop playing around
and ofcourse i'm expected to "understand"
and everyone has to "sacrifice" something
and life is "all about moving"
and "the campus is so beautiful that you'll like it instantly"